Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Oh, Hi. Yes, yes I still exist.

So my last post was in October. I seem to randomly think about my blog at the oddest times and decide to update, no?

Reading through my last post I suppose not much has changed, but then again so many things have. life is an oxymoron?

Disregard everything I'm typing. I'm up way too early.

I no longer have a car (that's another story for another time) and the bus system around here sucks. I'm still not in a relationship, but there is a person I'm interested in. For my sake, we'll call her Star. I'd just call her "girl", but that's too unoriginal and Star is far too unique to be categorized with everyone else.

I'm shaking my head right now because already my heart is in another place. Even thinking about her makes me go crazy. I'm crazy.

So I was reading in my last post (in OCTOBER) about me struggling with coming out. Most people around me now, if they didn't hear it from me, know that I'm gay. I suppose I'm okay with that. I don't know, I have this weird thing though. I'm okay with people knowing I'm gay for the most part, but I don't like being talked about. If someone is going to know I'm gay, I want to tell them.

Another thing that's been bothering me is that sometimes people will just poke fun at my sexuality. I don't like it. One of my friends asked me about this once. She didn't understand. She believes that mostly everyone around me has no problem with me being a lesbian, so the little jokes shouldn't bother me. It DOES bother me though. I guess I feel like if they're willing to make a joke, they may think me being gay is a joke.

I don't want to be a joke.

Back to Star though. That makes me happy.

She's amazing. Just amazing. I really cannot say much else. It's like...take all of the personality traits you've always wanted to possess and wanted in someone else and mold them into something beautiful. That's her. She's got a good head on her shoulders, good people around her, and while she isn't always quite sure what she wants to do with her life, she goes through life with her head held high and a smile on her face. She's talented. She's attractive. Her eyes. When she smiles....the way they squint.

Okay, okay, I'm done.

I cannot help but to smile whenever I'm around her. It's not that everything fades away, but I feel like she puts me at ease.

...and off to work I go.
Maybe I'll try updating this more.