Sunday, July 8, 2007

Introduction

A while back, on another blogging type website, I had witnessed people posting a list of 50 things about themselves. I think this is probably the best way to introduce myself.

1. Becca is not my real name (nor is it any other form of that). If you really must know, I went on a chatting website once and was feeling experimental. A man offered to call me to have phone sex and I used that name instead of my real one.

2. I've been told I have a huge heart, but I believe it is one of my true downfalls.

3. I am in love with all types of music. Music is generally a big part of my life.

4. I lead people on to believe I've been in a couple of relationships. I've only been truly labeled a man's girlfriend once and it lasted a little over a month.

5. I tell people I'm a bad liar, but in truth (ha), I'm actually so damn good at it, I can make them believe that.

6. I am female. I watch porn.

7. I've been attracted to girls, but I do not consider myself bi-sexual. I consider myself attracted to those very few girls.

8. The man I'm interested in right now is one of my room mate's best friends and has only kissed me once...while he was drunk.

9. I have this slowly growing fear that my best friend (who deserves an award for being able to put up with me for this long) has and had always had feelings for me, despite the serious relationship that he's in.

10. Almost every guy I'm good friends with now, I was attracted to at some point in my life.

11. I'm still trying to learn what love really is.

12. I fear I'm going to turn into one person I know: almost 40, not married, and no boyfriend

13. I do not like being alone. I don't care whether it's an animal or a person, I just don't like being completely by myself in a place.

14. I associate everything with music: places, people, moments in my life.

15. I like the color purple.

16. I am a very annoying drunk.

17. Those who I work with see me as very mature. My closest friends see me as incredibly naive.

18. I have an unbelievably low self-esteem.

19. No man has ever given me flowers. (No, my ex never bought me any either)

20. I always dream up what I want to happen in my life next. This has only been turned into a reality once. It was when I wanted to see a boy at a get together when I was younger.

21. I'm almost certain I could be diagnosed with some sort of mental disorder, but I'm too scared to ever get that checked out.

22. I use to self-mutilate.

23. Following suite, I have attempted suicide once. Even though I say I have more than that. I was unintelligent about it at the time, however. I took a few headache pills and a bunch of very large vitamin pills because I had remembered at the time hearing somewhere that too much iron could kill you. I just woke up the next morning with a terrible stomach ache and nothing more. I make more of a big deal out of it than it really is.

24. I like to write (or type, if you want to call it that...I suppose blog in general), but I think I'm terrible at it.

25. I eat. A lot.

26. I tell people I don't, but I have less respect for those who smoke cigarettes.

27. Another one of my worst fears is turning out like my father.

28. I always feel like the odd one out in any social situation.

29. I crave a lot of attention.

30. I wish people could give me as much support as I give out to them.

31. I love the smell of rain.

32. I love onions too.

33. I wish I had the ability to be visually artistic.

34. I tell people I live without regrets, but I have them.

35. My favorite number is 13.

36. I hate acrylic (fake) nails.

37. I've kissed more people than I can count. I can say only (maybe) two were truly meaningful. I was drunk for the majority of them.

38. I want to be done with that part in my life. I want nothing more now than to be in a serious relationship. My partying days are over.

39. I sometimes wish my parents had raised me a little better and were there for me more than they are now (or ever were).

40. I love cuddling.

41. I want to learn more about constellations, so when I finally get to lay outside on a clear night next to someone special, I'll know what I'm looking at.

42. I procrastinate too much for my own good.

43. I crave to have the motivation that those close around me have.

44. I use to read a lot more than I do now.

45. I have an extreme want to please others.

46. The thought of raising children scares me when I see how many around me have turned out.

47. If I turn out to be half as great as some of my older friends, I will be a really happy person.

48. I've been told I smile a lot, but it really hides everything else.

49. I can be a really good listener, but sometimes when people talk to me, I daydream.

50. I love movie quotes.

4 comments:

choc mint girl said...

Hi, Becca! Interesting way to begin with. Welcome and keep posting so that we can see the real you...:)

Becky said...

Hey That was sum deep shit you just told us its nice that you're so honest almost all of that applys to me i think i have a mental disorder too but when i tell people i think i might have one they shrug it off i get where you're coming from and being real isn't easy but it makes you feel hella better

infinitedreams said...

That's why I decided to stay anonymous and not use my real name. I can still get out what I want to say and not worry about any one I know seeing this.

For the first time in my life, I'm being honest with the way I feel and I have to say, it's pretty goddamn nice.

Shannon said...

Sounds like you are just another version of myself.