Of course I don't understand men, I'm female. There are still several things I wish I knew though...or rather, some things I could just get over or avoid so I can actually find a decent one.
Recently, (and by recently I mean Nov. '06-Mar. '07) I went through I crazy period of my life where I would just go and party. I would "party hardy" and make out with random men. There was even once my so called friend (whom I have no contact with anymore, thankfully) dragged me 2 hours away from home with her boyfriend only to get me completely trashed (that's when I tried weed for the first time...yes, I know, so sheltered, right?), and the guys there took full advantage of me. I was so drunk I barely remember much. I remember puking up the hamburger helper in the bathroom sink (she was nice enough to hold my hair back...) and I remember both guys present (both having girlfriends, also trashed, ALSO present) attempting to have sex with me. Thankfully, I wasn't drunk enough to forget condoms. I may be drunk, but apparently, I'm still semi-responsible. Fast forward to St. Patrick's Day where I couldn't remember how many guys I kissed. One almost managed a blow job from me in the hallway until my conscience caught up with me.
I know what you're thinking right now and you're right: I was a whore ...or a slut which ever you see fit.
I went through that period in my life and I want to be rid of it. I don't want to be known as "that girl". I don't want to be known like that. I'm ready to settle down into something serious. The problem lies in my past though. Plus, I have trouble trusting men in general now.
During that whole phase I went through a few men.
The first. Around New Year's I had went to a party and was fairly inebriated. Not too much though. There was another guy there (single, of course). We had known each other and after talking for awhile there, we kissed. It was very sweet and even in a slightly intoxicated state, I didn't feel vulnerable, I felt comfortable. We ended up at my bedroom, where he locked the door and tried taking off my clothes. Which, of course, I didn't allow. So we laid in bed and chatted for hours. Nothing happened. It was just talking and we cuddled until we both feel asleep. Very cute.
I wake up the next morning to silence. He wants nothing to do with me. Does not say a word and just leaves. No goodbye, no hello, no...nothing. Never calls me back. Nothing. This was my first experience with "guy does not want anything else to do with me because I won't sleep with him"...type of man.
The second. The same girl that I previously mentioned in this post (the one I'm no longer friends with) tried setting me up with one of her boyfriend's friends. Bad idea. I came over one night to her apartment to see him there. We chatted. Slept next to each other that night to which cuddling ensued. He tried kissing me and I didn't withdraw...I believe because I wanted something so bad at this point to just work out. He wanted to have sex with me that night. I of course said no.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks later, he came up with his buddy again to escort my "friend" and I to a party. He wouldn't leave me alone. I couldn't talk to any of my guy friends and he was being overly possessive. My best guy friend was there and told me to stay away. I was drunk and didn't care. We ended up on the same futon at my "friend"'s apartment. He tried having sex with me, I was too drunk to care...but I remembered telling him specifically "I'm too drunk and tired to have sex, you're just going to get disappointed."...and of course in his drunken state, he couldn't even stick it in me (I'm trying really hard not to be too profane in this post, sorry). He got pissed off...waddled to the bathroom to dispose of the condom...came back...thew my underwear at me and yelled, "YOU'RE WELCOME". As if I was suppose to be thanking him for the sex. Right.
Over the next couple month, whenever he would be in (he's in the National Guard) the area he would call me asking me if I wanted to get drunk with him and insinuate basically that he wanted to sleep with me. (Boys and girls, this is what we call a "Booty Call")
He still calls. I make up excuses. I suppose I'm too nice to call him a douche bag who should have his you-know-what removed.
The third. I was at another party. I was drunk, but not too drunk. I had not really kissed anyone. I was having a good time and loving just being around friends. I met a new guy and we started talking. He asked if I wanted to sit on the couch with him. I agreed and we kept talking. I think we might have kissed once, but we mostly cuddled. He kept telling me how cute and beautiful I was. He asked me back to his place, but I said no, because I've been in plenty similar situations and I didn't want to be in one again. He agreed. We exchanged phone numbers and he said he would call me the very next day. I didn't believe him because I thought he was really drunk, but he called me! For the first time in a long time I thought maybe, just MAYBE he was different. He picked me up from my place and took me to his. Showed me around his house and then we cuddled in his bed and watched Anchor Man Lot's of kisses (he was HORRIBLE/HORRIFYING...sloppy, wet, and gross)....at one point he asked me if I was wearing anything underneath my sweatshirt ...I said yes...and he asked me to take it off...I got scared and said no. After that, after not getting sex out of me that one time, I never talked to him unless I got a hold of him via his phone...in which case he was always busy...never wanted to talk.
I was just "another girl" again.
I don't want to be "another girl" ever again. Ever. Going through all of this, however has made me almost stop trusting guys in general. I would like to be in a relationship again, but it seems every guy is only in for one thing. Even the man I'm interested in now. The one who kissed me while we were both drunk a couple of weeks ago (see previous post, if you want to know more). He had recently broken up with his girlfriend (a little over a month now) and was talking to his friends...saying "If you have any hot friends, send them over, I'll have alcohol." He seems like an amazing guy...and at the same time, he says things like THAT.
I don't understand men.